Man Is Hot

Is it because of my previous post accusing Benin people of wearing brogue shoes to play football or is it that they've missed me so much for just the eighteen days I was away to welcome me back not with the routine hugs and kisses but with an unpleasant bus spectacle?

So yesterday our bus touched down in the capital of Edo state, the prestigious Benin City, after several grueling hours of pleading, arguing, cussing and pleading again with the driver to reduce the breakneck speed he'd been driving on.

On the regular day, as a six-feet-heighted being, and following my memorable experience with Benin bus agberos some years back, I should have hired a cab straight to the front of my hostel, but due to the fact that first, I was resuming to begin a month of extravagant spending coupled with the fact that I was carrying just a mini-travelling bag, I decided to follow the regular commercial buses plying my route. So boarding the next available rickety bus, I prepared myself for an enervating fifteen minutes or so trip to my destination.

Quickly scanning the bus I'd entered I realized there were three passengers in front and behind, a woman with a baby and a scarred-faced man, so I settled in-between them. Less than two minutes later a robust lady boarded the bus and rather than humbly tell me to adjust, she tried wriggling herself in. That was when the yawa na comman gas.

I had in a strap on the side of my bag a plastic bottled water which I had been drinking all the way from Lagos. As she struggled to fit her wide waist in, the bottle burst open with its contents spilling all over the place and wetting my jean and her skirt in the process. Instead of this aunty to say sorry, without being in the least way perturbed that she just spilled someone's hard-earned bottled water, not pure water o, (Does she know how much bottle water is sold for?) she gave an icy stare, hissed and came down before adding another "you can't even apologize" comment.

Hian! Just negodu! First, I was shocked, then amazed. "Sorry, aren't I supposed to be the recipient of the 'sorry' here?" I innocuously asked. The tomato-faced woman just hissed, the third time in less than a minute, and stormed off. That was when the two 'I call myself' people beside me started volunteering their thoughts. First the woman with a baby strapped to her back sighed then added, "We should sometimes do the needful. This is something a simple 'I'm sorry' would have averted."

I was going to reply her but seeing the sweet soul behind her decided against it and turned to face the man who was already ending his own tirade with the words "... are the wrong person here and still feeling right..." trailing off, so I decided to focus on him. "Bros, I'm the one on the wrong side but I had carried that water since Ore and it didn't pour till she came in abi. I'm the one on the..."

I had not even ended my poignant speech before the woman interloped again. "Please let's learn to call a spade a spade. You should have apologized, see my leg self, the water even touched me." I looked at her in obvious disdain first for her superciliousness and then for the wrong idiom she'd just attempted before I hissed silently and turned to face the man again.

I continued. "Even if I was wrong, it doesn't give her the liberty to hiss the way she..." But he quickly cut in rudely without allowing me finish "Abeg jare stay your lane!"

Ahh! See me see bad see finish? The anger in me was boiling at whatever the highest temperature is and I was going to tell him how he should stop meddling into others' affair and rather start thinking about how to reduce his oversized head. However on second thoughts I decided against it, he could after all be a plain cloths Soldierman, with the sordid scar on his face.

I cannot have myself swimming gutter water as punishment, so facing my phone, I spent the duration of the journey wondering who really was at fault.

The villagers are tinkering with their brains again and not mine. Benin people, do accept my unreserved apologies

6 comments:

  1. Lmao. Walter, this is hilarious. I know how sitting in one of these death traps they call tuke-tuke makes one feel.

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  2. Bottle water!!!! Heads would have rolled biko.

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  3. Walter make peace with your village people, Come and appease the gods. Nice work bro

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  4. interesting one

    but Nigerians and bottled water sha,even if it remains not more that 1 tablespoon,they ain't letting it go ooo,Walter is that how you used to do?

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