Maybe, just maybe...

I don't love you.
I don't think I ever will.
But I'm here now.
I'll stay though.
It's not like I have a choice.


That’s what she whispered to herself when she woke up every morning and looked at the snoring frame lying beside her on the plush king size bed, a low fence of round bolsters wedged between them. They'd have slept in their separate rooms but they had visitors, the family kind, and they needed to put on a good show.


She dragged her feet as she moved to the kitchen to cook, a good housewife should be able to satisfy her husband's stomach. She almost punched a wall when she remembered her aunt's words.


She walked into the kitchen and splashed some water on her face. When the sleep had cleared fully, she muttered an unenthusiastic prayer to the man upstairs, she was still beefing him. She picked the beans as she hummed the tune of one of the random songs that was making waves on the radio, something to do about a sickness and one litre of something.


By the time she was done with the picking and letting them soak in a bowl of water, the in-law, her husband's peacock of a mother came into the kitchen and she had no choice but to do her usual butt kissing.


"Mama-the-mama, lavbieze, how was your night, I hope you slept well," she said bending her knees and proceeding to hug the matriarch just above the waist.


"Yes-yes, ko my dear I slept well, how about you?"


"I slept well ma," she said with a forced smile, its twitch hardly noticeable but it was definitely there. As usual the older woman didn't notice or just paid it no mind.


The matriarch smiled, "so our wife, Sasere, you want to make us fat with your mouth watering Moi-moi this morning. I won't lie by saying I did not miss your brilliant cooking."


Egheosasere laughed a little, smiled and went back to her cooking as the older woman settled down on one of the island stools and flipped over to the African Magic epic channel.


When everyone was up, she set the table to serve her husband, in-laws and herself a healthy helping of the "mouth watering" Moi-moi and Akamu. Breakfast thankfully was uneventful, just entertaining small talk and praise to the amazing cook. Last time they all sat at the same table, Ize, her husband got in a not so beautiful argument with his parents.


"I'm not going to marry someone I just met," he had yelled.”


"Then thank goodness this is not the first time you're meeting her," his father said in a 'matter of fact' tone as he pointed Sasere's my direction, "she's your soon to be wife."


The argument lasted for a whole month but as expected, Ize and his ‘to be bride’ really didn't have a say in the matter, they were the reverse 'Romeo and Juliet'.



Five months of married life and they still weren't a couple, just two strangers sharing a house. One's life didn't change much but the others took a plummeting kamikaze.


She once had dreams, aspirations and goals. It would have been nice if her parents had told her from the onset that she didn't need them. She won't blame them though. Maybe they would have eventually told her  if they had a little more time with her before their death.


Aunty Cordelia, Aunty Called E in Sasere's own words - E being Evil, was the 'Best'.


She taught her proper housewifery and how to stay quiet all the while letting the young lady get an education that wasn't needed. Sasere always wondered why. If they knew she was gonna end up under lock and key in some rich dude’s house. She definitely would have prepared if they didn't let her experience freedom in the first case.
One does not hunger for invisible food.


Eventually breakfast was done and the men moved on, leaving the matriarch who soon went on to do whatever it was she needed to do. That left the housewife to tend to the dishes and other 'housewifing duties’.




What did she want to be before all this?
Was she content with her life?
Was she scared of it?



"Dreaming isn't easy for females like me, at least not anymore," she muttered to herself as she washed the dishes.


She had always thought that when she graduated with her degree in psychology, she'd open up a consultancy somewhere but she was married off before she could conceive the idea of saying 'Jack Robinson.'  


Sometimes she hoped that she was dreaming and in a few seconds she'd wake up to things being back to normal, to her looking forward to a promising future but every time she pinched herself, she faced the bitter truth that her reality had her in a choke hold. She wasn't escaping.


The fear that her hopes were fully dashed against a boulder brought her to reality. Maybe, just maybe the big man up there would look on her plight and decide not to let her dreams go to waste, maybe they were worth it after all but for now, she was content with beefing him.

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